Today is the day when people put their best efforts into being ‘romantic’. They either want to confirm their love or they want to rekindle a flame which has been spluttering due to life pressures and maybe some differences in world view.
It is easy to fall into the trap of going through life’s routines, including the ritual of Saint Valentine’s Day, on automatic pilot and without much awareness. If life is lived at the level of ritual and routine we often fail to connect to one another on a deeper level, and the lack of meaningful connection can leave people feeling a bit empty.
Relationships are much more meaningful when we are very well connected in a healthy way to our loved ones. For many of us a healthy relationship, whether it be romantic or just a deeper platonic connection, is one of the most satisfying experiences we can have in life.
Sometimes the things which are most satisfying are also the most elusive. There are a whole range of reasons why finding true intimacy can be tricky, here are a few of them:
One reason is that our paradigms (unconscious mindsets) are formed at a young age. We take all kinds of unconscious relationship formulae in at an unconscious level and then act them out when we are grown up. Many of the individuals and couples I work with report that they are re-enacting the same disharmony which they witnessed as a child.
It is definitely possible to build a fresh and far more productive paradigm to uplift your relationship. Developing ‘a new way of being together’ often involves achieving a far deeper understanding and greater genuine care for one another. When you succeed the emotional rewards are incalculable.
Another reason is that people can be especially fearful in relationships. They consciously or unconsciously believe that if they are truly openhearted, loving and generous they will put themselves ‘at risk’ in some way.
It is very sad that what many people fail to realise is that the withdrawal from fear of rejection, overexposure or abandonment is often what causes the rejection or abandonment. The solution lies in finding ways to have grounded self-reliance which can enable you to be truly openhearted, loving and generous.
Lastly many relationships run aground because they are not sustainable unless they are nurtured through thoughtfulness, care, love and generosity. Without essential relationship maintenance distance and resentment develops, sadly most people have not been provided with education in how to bridge the gap and reconnect or deepen their connection.
When people have the desire and sometimes determination to make their relationship a source of nourishment and meaning, there is so much that you can learn to do to develop mutual appreciation, love and respect.
Recently I have had deep personal satisfaction by facilitating people who love one another to re-connect, or to discover a new connection, on a deeper level.
In the spirit of love and generosity I am offering some pro bono coaching to anyone who would like to experience a more life enriching relationship. So, when the ritual of Saint Valentine’s Day is over, if you do decide that you would like to build a deeper connection in your relationship you can get in touch with me on LinkedIn.
